MY HUSBAND, ALWAYS CALM IN CRISIS

I CAN STILL REMEMBER THAT JANUARY 7TH. THE YEAR WAS 1977. I was all of 19 years old. It was just another college day for me. Into my last year as a teenager, I had no worries in the world. Here I was, enjoying all the attention from the boys in the college, I was as carefree as any other girl in my age group.
As I returned home from college that day, I was surprised to see a white Ambassador car parked in our courtyard. It belonged to my favorite uncle whom I called Kunjukutty Pappa. He was my mother's sister's husband from Kumbanad.
For some reason, he did not exchange any pleasantries with me as he would do any other day. He told me to get ready as we were going to Kumbanad. Since the matter seemed pretty serious, given his unsmiling face and as he was not willing to give any more details, my mother and I got ready and got in the car.

In the car he explained the purpose of the trip. One of his cousin's sons who had come home on vacation from the US was looking for a prospective bride. It was no secret that my uncle ran a marriage bureau, though it was done informally, with no proper office or anything.
He confided in us that he had taken this American nephew to meet many girls, but to his utter disappointment, the nephew had not liked any of them. Finally, out of frustration, he asked the boy's mother to be very specific about the type of girl he was looking for.
To my uncle's surprise, his mother said someone like his niece Kusumam. The boy's mother had seen me during my cousin's wedding.
We had even had a brief chat and she had mentioned that her son would soon be coming from the US and that they were looking for a good match for him. I think I had even suggested the names of a couple of girls I knew and then forgotten the matter.
For my uncle, it was like a revelation. The moment his nephew's mother, who was his cousin's wife, said that they wanted a girl like Kusmam, he decided then and there that the issue could be resolved to everyone's satisfaction. That is, provided, he could persuade a girl still in her teens to get married to someone who was seven years older than her.
There we were, headed out to Kumbanad, with the plan to see if there could be a match between my uncle's nephew and his wife's niece. The first meeting between John and me took place that afternoon, at my uncle's house. Like the saying goes, the first impression is the best. I must say that I was impressed with John.
I think my thoughts at that time went like this. Here was a golden opportunity for me to go to America. The sheer thought was uplifting as at that time, I did not know anyone from my hometown

Omalloor who had gone to America. It was a combination of fascination and fantasy that controlled my faculties.
I remember John seeking my views about some random things and me replying in a few words. I was a very shy person in my teens and I was taken unawares that a regular college day had taken such a drastic turn, with a sense of finality as there was no looking back after that. To my dismay things progressed pretty fast. I was to get married in only 10 days!
The next nine days went by in a blur and the big day, January 17, 1977, Monday, was suddenly upon me. The wedding, held at the Kumbanad Mar Thoma Valliapally, was conducted by Rt. Rev. Dr. Easow Mar Themotheos Episcopa.
Today, I can only vaguely remember all the details, but it was indeed a sweet memorable day. After the wedding, we came to my house in the afternoon. By evening the reality started to sink in, that I was married, I was a wife now, not a carefree teenager anymore. A slew of mixed emotions started to pop up in my mind, and many vexing questions emerged.
Was I ready for this new chapter in my life? The emotions grew stronger and turned into an attack of anxiety. Even today, I thank God that John was as understanding as he was patient. These are the two qualities I always appreciated in our life journey together. So we just sat and talked through the wee hours of the night and slipped into sleep.
The next day, I woke up not feeling well. The previous day's worries and anxieties had got the better of me. My mom suggested to go and see our family physician, so we did and I think he gave me some medicine to calm my nerves. By evening John wanted to go to his house.
I was not very happy, faced with the prospect of going away from my home. The teenager in me started to fret and fume. I was about

Omalloor who had gone to America. It was a combination of fascination and fantasy that controlled my faculties.
I remember John seeking my views about some random things and me replying in a few words. I was a very shy person in my teens and I was taken unawares that a regular college day had taken such a drastic turn, with a sense of finality as there was no looking back after that. To my dismay things progressed pretty fast. I was to get married in only 10 days!
The next nine days went by in a blur and the big day, January 17, 1977, Monday, was suddenly upon me. The wedding, held at the Kumbanad Mar Thoma Valliapally, was conducted by Rt. Rev. Dr. Easow Mar Themotheos Episcopa.
Today, I can only vaguely remember all the details, but it was indeed a sweet memorable day. After the wedding, we came to my house in the afternoon. By evening the reality started to sink in, that I was married, I was a wife now, not a carefree teenager anymore. A slew of mixed emotions started to pop up in my mind, and many vexing questions emerged.
Was I ready for this new chapter in my life? The emotions grew stronger and turned into an attack of anxiety. Even today, I thank God that John was as understanding as he was patient. These are the two qualities I always appreciated in our life journey together. So we just sat and talked through the wee hours of the night and slipped into sleep.
The next day, I woke up not feeling well. The previous day's worries and anxieties had got the better of me. My mom suggested to go and see our family physician, so we did and I think he gave me some medicine to calm my nerves. By evening John wanted to go to his house.
I was not very happy, faced with the prospect of going away from my home. The teenager in me started to fret and fume. I was about

to take another irrevocable step, by leaving home and going to my husband's house. There was a sense of finality about it.
I must admit in all frankness that I never felt like an outsider at John's parental home. Everyone went out of the way to make me feel at home. It went beyond treating me well. I was made to feel I had a special place in that house. The love they extended to me brought in that feeling of security that was most required for a young girl.
I started getting used to the idea of being married and embracing the responsibilities that came with it. We had only a few days left to apply for my passport and US visa. Thus, our honeymoon trip to Madras, in a train, was to the US Consulate and undertaken with the express aim of attending the visa interview.
Days went by so fast and suddenly or so it seemed it was time for John to go back to America. I still remember all of us going to the Trivandrum airport and bidding farewell to him.
I did not know exactly what I was feeling at that time, because I was just starting to get to know him. Sure, I remember feeling sad that he was leaving, but it was not like I was heartbroken as I had yet to develop deep feelings for him.
The next day onwards, I gladly reverted to being a teenager, playing and fighting with my younger brothers. I even continued with my studies as I was doing my degree final year majoring in Zoology at the Catholicate College, Pathanamthitta.
Thereafter, letters from John kept pouring in, about three every week, almost one letter every other day. And I would reply once a week.
I guess, it was almost an out-of-sight, out-of-mind kind of motion that controlled me as I got busy with things happening around me. Suddenly, I was told by John that I could start packing

to take another irrevocable step, by leaving home and going to my husband's house. There was a sense of finality about it.
I must admit in all frankness that I never felt like an outsider at John's parental home. Everyone went out of the way to make me feel at home. It went beyond treating me well. I was made to feel I had a special place in that house. The love they extended to me brought in that feeling of security that was most required for a young girl.
I started getting used to the idea of being married and embracing the responsibilities that came with it. We had only a few days left to apply for my passport and US visa. Thus, our honeymoon trip to Madras, in a train, was to the US Consulate and undertaken with the express aim of attending the visa interview.
Days went by so fast and suddenly or so it seemed it was time for John to go back to America. I still remember all of us going to the Trivandrum airport and bidding farewell to him.
I did not know exactly what I was feeling at that time, because I was just starting to get to know him. Sure, I remember feeling sad that he was leaving, but it was not like I was heartbroken as I had yet to develop deep feelings for him.
The next day onwards, I gladly reverted to being a teenager, playing and fighting with my younger brothers. I even continued with my studies as I was doing my degree final year majoring in Zoology at the Catholicate College, Pathanamthitta.
Thereafter, letters from John kept pouring in, about three every week, almost one letter every other day. And I would reply once a week.
I guess, it was almost an out-of-sight, out-of-mind kind of motion that controlled me as I got busy with things happening around me. Suddenly, I was told by John that I could start packing
my bags. It was time for me to go to America. I was heartbroken. I remember how many families turned up at the airport to see me off.
This was the first time I was going to be away from my parents and brothers. The overwhelming feeling all around was one of sadness. There was also a palpable sense of nervousness about how I would manage my maiden overseas journey and then get used to living in a foreign environment.
It was particularly hard for my parents just as it was for me. Uppermost in our mind was the fact that everything had evolved too fast and here I was forced to undertake a big journey into an unknown land, to live amid unknown people. I must admit there was an element of excitement too, as both the trip and my future life was going to be an adventure as well.
There was some confusion about why I was carrying a knife but that was soon sorted out. My flight was from Trivandrum to Bombay, then to Japan, where there would be a small layover. The last lap of the journey would then take me to Seattle, USA.
As the flight from Bombay was delayed, by the time I reached Japan, I missed the connecting flight to Seattle. Hence, I had to stay back in Tokyo, in a hotel. That was unexpected and a bit scary, even though the airline people were really helpful. Somehow I made it through the night, alone in a big hotel room. I remember praying a lot.
The next morning, the airline staff took me to the airport and escorted me to the flight. Finally, I reached Seattle on June 22, 1977. It was late afternoon by the time I came out of the plane, only to spend another hour with the immigration and customs people.
I was so relieved to see John and his friend Abraham at the baggage claim. Right through the drive home, I sat transfixed by the overwhelming landscape as also the sound and smell of a new land - the new country, which was to be my home that day onwards.
I still remember as if it was yesterday, trying to find some com-parison between the pine trees in Seattle and the rubber trees Back home. I was amazed by the roads, cars and the people. I was particularly struck by the thought that there were very few people on the roads, unlike the crowded traffic junctions of Kerala.
I had reached home, at last!! John had a home of his own, a cute house, but it was quite small. I wasn't impressed. In my young mind, an idea had taken root that America was a land of luxury, so everything would be luxurious. The reality was something else.
I started to realize that America was not anything like what I had imagined. The real living conditions hit like a rock and shattered all my visions of a grand living style. What was troubling was the fact that there was nobody to wait on you, no servants to attend to your needs, as I was used to, back home in Omalloor.
We went to Uncle Abraham's house for lunch and met Aunty Grace and their kids Anil and Anila. That friendship remains strong to this day, though Uncle Abraham and Anil have passed on. The other families that helped me find my feet in the US were the Vengalils - Mathew, Joyamma, Jenny, Regi and the Thomases - Leelamma and Kunjumon.
The days went by and I started getting adjusted to the American way of life. We started going to the local Methodist church, rather than a Malayali congregation. That experience enriched our lives, helping us have a better understanding of American culture and the people.
We made a lot of friends, like Ed and Pat Peacore, Sylvia and Glen. The one litmus test to getting integrated with the American lifestyle is driving a car. So, I joined a driving school, which was quite exciting and succeeded in getting my license.
As I was plucked out of my college life in Kerala, I made amends by joining a community college where I took courses in spoken

English and accounting. It did not matter whether you were in Kerala or Seattle, there was one thing that was common to all places. After marriage, there comes a day when you find out that you are pregnant. It did not take me long to find out that I was pregnant.
Our first baby son Joby was born on June 8. I was only 20 but becoming a mother sure changes your life. We had our share of struggles, adjusting to the newly adorned status of parenthood. The main reason for hardship was we had to bear the entire load ourselves.
We survived without any help from our parents or siblings which would have been there if we had been in Kerala. We somehow managed, thanks to some of our dear friends. In 1980 John's parents came to the US for a visit.
Around that time, the company where John was working, moved to another city which was over an hour's drive away from our house. In search of alternatives, he started talking with an American guy Bill Perdue who had a company dealing with airplane electronic components.
Soon, they started a company called Win Air. It lasted only for about three years as the partnership did not work out. In 1982, we had our second child, Jeena. Then, John decided to start a company on his own and started working towards it. The initial days were tough as he started the business from our garage in 1984, the same year that our third child Julie was born.
Around that time, I became an American citizen, leading to the inevitable. Our family members started to immigrate, one after the other. I sponsored my parents and they sponsored my brothers Francy, Appu and Roshan to come over.
Tragically, Francy died in Kerala in a motorcycle accident just before his scheduled journey to America. His death is even today a festering wound in our hearts. My Pappa joined Aero Controls as

an accountant. John too sponsored all his siblings, two brothers and two sisters to come to the US. All were employed by Aero Controls.
John was a hard-working man when I first came over to the US. He has not changed one bit since then. He continues to work just as hard now, though of late, he has learnt the art of delegating work. But he is always hovering on the sidelines, ready to jump in and take control, if and when the situation demands it.
It is this single-minded resolve to give primacy to the company that has made all the difference. America is a land of opportunity. If you have the willingness to work hard, you will get results.
These are not mere platitudes. John is a very good example. He came as a student and joined the community college to study aircraft maintenance. His cousin Tom Philip sponsored him, brought him to Seattle and helped him settle down. Initially, he also sent him money every month for his tuition, rent and food.
In his early days, John struggled to make ends meet. But the discipline that he had learned from home, especially from his mother, helped him cope with most difficulties.
John is never a complainer. On the other hand, he has never shied away from showing his gratitude to all those who have helped in his early life. He has also put a premium on being an honest and compassionate man in all his dealings.
But the biggest virtue I have seen in John is his patience, which allows him to handle any difficulty calmly and wisely. Whatever is the provocation, he does not react impulsively. He takes his time and analyzes each situation before making his decision. In retrospect, that is one quality that has been crucial to all his successes.
His passion for charity work is as genuine as is his faith in God. We both take pride and satisfaction doing charity work. I think God has a purpose for blessing us with all this wealth. It is our

sacred duty to help the poor and the needy. That is what we do, both in the US and back home in India.
Ultimately, he is a family man. Many wonder how he finds so much quality time for his family and friends, even while continuing to be the central force in running a hugely complicated business. Right from the beginning of our married life, he has found time for us to travel around the world. This has continued to be a constant feature even as our children grew up, and so it is now with our grandchildren.
I sometimes wonder how he balances his time while engaging with the Mar Thoma church activities back home and holding office in FOMAA, the apex association of Malayalis in the US. He also does not hold back from engaging with politicians such as Congressmen in the US.
So, when he chills out in front of the TV at home, watching his favorite sports and entertainment program, or pushes off to play golf with his friends, I often wonder how he manages to squeeze so many things into a day. Surely, that calls for brilliant time management. The 19-year-old girl who was not sure what she was getting into when she met this young man, right after college so many years ago, has done quite well. For that, I will always be thankful to God.
(Narrated by John's wife, Kusumam John Titus)

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