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KNOWING CARING WOMEN, FLOWERS OF RAW LIFE (AUTOBIOGRAPHY: CHAPTER 3: DR. A.K.B. PILLAI)

Published on 12 September, 2020
KNOWING CARING WOMEN, FLOWERS OF RAW LIFE  (AUTOBIOGRAPHY: CHAPTER 3: DR. A.K.B. PILLAI)
DEDICATED TO MY UNCLE, LATE ARRACKAL DAMODARAN PILLAI AND HIS WIFE (AMMAYI)


Flowers are colorful and fragrant. They are joyous to see and feel.  Flowers bloom,- the beauty of the human will bloom even when people live in deprivation.  Such were my experiences when I went to Alleppey to my youngest uncle, to study in the third grade. 


In Kottayam, I had the experience of neglect.  In Alleppey I experienced acceptance and affection.

 My grandfather took me in a motorboat from Changanacherry (near Valady) to Alleppey. It was a pleasant journey.  The boat went through canals and rivers, finally crossing a small lake into Alleppey. On the way, there were open rice fields with swaying rice plants in the breeze.  Some rice fields were filled with waters.  There were houses big and small on the side of the canals and the rivers. Beautiful, tall,  Christian churches in gleaming white colors are found in beautiful locations. Kuttanad has been made the center of rice fields with major contributions from Christian farmers. They also transformed parts of mountainous areas of Kerala, fighting out Malaria, into farm lands of rubber, tapioca (cassava), and spices. People were washing their clothes and taking baths. The bathing ghats of steps were covered with a roof to the edge of the water so that bathing women could not be seen outside. I was curious to see everything, looking left and right.  The boat stopped at different places for passengers to get out, and new ones to get in.  At Alleppey the boat jetty was filled with many boats of different sizes.  My uncle lived in a suburb known as Thiruvampady, in his wife’s ancestral house by name Madhavaseril, south of the town.  Thiruvampady was widely known as a center of Nayars.  The temple there is quite famous.
 
The ecology of Alleppey was different from Kuttanad, which I described in the chapter one.  Alleppey was situated between the Arabian Sea on the west and Kuttanad on the east. The main crop of Alleppey and the west coast as a whole, is the coconut tree.  The coconut tree used to be farmed all over the area, including very close to the ocean. Mounts of soil around three feet high were created around each coconut tree to hold rainwater. Each homestead of around one acre of land traditionally, had a pond and the water generally did not get dry up. There would be springs in the ponds. The ponds were around thirty feet, in a circle.  The members of families would take their baths in the ponds; they cleaned their pots and pans, and washed their clothes.   The bottom of the pond was clear, with white sands. Alleppey, as well as the entire west coast of India has thick layers of white sands from the ocean Bushes of plants grew thick around the pond. The wild taro plant grew on the banks of almost all waterways. The wild taro roots are not eaten. The tender leaves of them are detoxified and eaten by Gowdasaraswathi Brahmins who migrated to Kerala from Mangalore, Karnataka. Their women have golden white color. It is believed that gold in the taro leaves infused their color. Many different kinds of taro are cultivated in Kerala, and their roots are eaten, as in many parts of Asia and South-sea islands.

 I remember seeing thousands of small tadpoles in the pond.  The drinking water was taken from a well, which each house had. 

The ponds and canals contributed to holding the seasonal flood waters. Probably this was one intention of the people of agrarian culture who built them.  

Alleppey is also significant to me in other ways. Once, when around four years old, I met my father on the road in front of the famous Mullackal temple. I was with my grandfather. He pointed out to me a man in his forties, almost bald, smiling.

 “This is your father,” grandfather said.

My father was a Tulu Brahmin priest from Mangalore, in a Hindu temple. As I stated in chapter one, the Brahmin men married Nayar women who lived in their maternal homes. The Brahmin husbands rarely visited them. Such was the case of my mother. 

The town of Alleppey was pretty covered with stores. Alleppey was the center of coir factories.  The people in the suburbs made coir yarn from coconut fiber, in a spinning wheel.  The yarn was made into mats in hand looms in the factories.  The coir mats were exported to other countries. 

Alleppey was also a port town, traditionally in the past the crops of Kerala such as black pepper, cardamom, turmeric, coconut etc. were exported to foreign nations.  Presently, the exports have been done through a larger port known as Cochin.

Most ponds had been wiped out from all over the West coast of Kerala.  Similarly, many coconut trees, and other trees such as mango, tamarind, jackfruit etc. have been continuously cut down, making room for houses. Yet, presently, the space for building houses has become very scarce. 

The coastal areas and the banks of many backwaters, in Kerala, had been filled with coconut trees. Many of them were cut down. They can be planted not only for the nuts but also to prevent soil erosion because of the dense roots. Nations such as Philippines, Indonesia, Brazil etc. hold presently most of the international markets for coconut products. The alternative medical systems of the Western nations, as well as Ayurveda  in India, have identified the various health benefits of coconut products; from making healthy skin to healthy hearts. Such is the quality of cold pressed virgin coconut oil, with its enormous health benefits, both externally and internally. The cold pressed oil is increasingly becoming accepted in Euro-American nations for cooking. Coconut water is drunk more in the USA, becoming accepted more than any other soft drink.  But the extensive use of coconut products currently in Euro-American nations is not understood in India, especially Kerala.  It is ironical to note that Kerala means ‘the land of coconut trees’. 

My uncle, late Arrackal Damodaran Pillai and his wife, whom I called Ammayi (the wife of the uncle), treated me as affectionately as their own children, a girl and a boy.  Ammayi had three sisters, Padmavathi (older and married away), Bhai, Sarada and the youngest, a brother of my age. Their mother was a beautiful woman in her late fifties. She was focused on caring her youngest son.  He was given everything that he wanted. He behaved in an authoritative manner. The family as a whole, once affluent, was deprived of basic needs, when I was there.  My uncle, as a legal assistant, made good money.  But he spent most of it on alcohol.  In some days, there was no money to buy rice and vegetables.  My aunt cooked split peas for supper.  That was satisfying for me and all of us.

The father of the house, a man in hs late fifties, came there only once a week, on Saturdays.  He did not take care of the needs of his wife and children.  I was told that he had another wife and children with whom he lived.  He came on Saturdays to offer rituals and prayers to God Ayyappa, in the central room of the house. Later in my life I understood how many persons of different religions cover up their duties and obligations, as well as sinful acts, by being religious. 

His children, Bhai, around twenty five, and Sarada around seventeen, were neglected.  Bhai chechi (older sister, I called her so) looked sad because, I thought, not being getting married. In those days Nayar women usually got married by age eighteen or earlier. Her quiet and gentle manners were appealing. She was a great cook, doing innovative cooking. One day  she took the kernels of many nuts of the mango, ground them into a paste, sifted out their bitterness and cooked it with spices and sugar and said it was ‘halva’, a sweet delicacy. It was tasty. I had never eaten mango kernels earlier or after.  I believe now that she cooked the mango kernels because at the time there was nothing else to eat. Now I understand from the internet that mango kernels are more nutritious than mango pulp. But all over the world the pits containing the kernels are wasted. I decided to eat the kernels soon, just as Bhai chechi cooked.

 I did not feel the bite of poverty when I lived with my uncle because of the affection of the women and also of the neighbors. 

A man in his late twenties came to the house almost daily. I called him Pappy chettan (meaning older brother).  He was unforgettable because of his continuous joking. He was also very gentle and polite. He cracked jokes all the time and made all of us laugh. I realized  later that he was in love with Sarada chechi.  She was fair skinned, beautiful, with a shapely face and body.  She spoke softly and gently always, smiling.  When the young man came to the house, she would come to the front veranda and they would talk together. I had never seen him going inside the house; nor touching her. From her behavior, I thought that she was also in love with him.     Unfortunately, she became sick with tuberculosis. Pappy chettan brought her medicines regularly.  Unfortunately, she died in a few years.  I did not know at that time what love was between woman and man. The above is my understanding, presently, when I look back.

I remember  Bhai chechi standing in the front yard and looking at people walking through the lanes in front and right side of the house.  She always spoke to me affectionately. Most times she was silent and thoughtful. Later, she got married to a young man who worked as a supervisor of workers of a landlord.  He was also a happy looking person.  He was fond of eating the various fried items from the restaurants.  A few times, he took me with him to the restaurants and bought for me many fried items to eat.

 The family had an outhouse. An automobile driver, with his wife and daughter, rented the house. He was a tall, well built, pleasant man. He often came to our house and told stories about his rich boss. One day I heard him saying to the women that his boss would ask him to drive through the roads with few persons. He would forcibly grab a girl walking alone, probably a worke`r.   He would push her into the car and rape her. He enjoyed the girl crying and screaming. Afterwards he would drop her into the road.  Ammayi told him that he should leave working for that man. The driver said that he was trying hard to find another boss.

 I know now, women were sexually assaulted by well to do men all over the world. Myself and my spouse have taken up the cause of fighting abuse of women and children for the last many years. At that time, women did not usually complain to the police, in fear of the public attitude.  If she were married her husband would probably leave her. If she was unmarried, it was hard to get a husband.  Virginity and chastity were the burdens of women. They were upheld more by men than women.  It is a relief to note that women are no more looked down in the name of virginity and chastity, almost in all parts of the world.

The Nayar community was changing at that time, from 1920’s to 1950’s.  Matriliny was almost broken and ended. The women in matriliny married to Brahmin men, suffered in deprivation, emotionally and sexually.  In many Nayar families, as in the case of the wife of my uncle, Nayar men were the husbands. But in many cases the men were torn between the traditional responsibility to their sisters and children, and their own wives. The situation was also followed by laws of individual partition of ancestral properties, both land and house. Even the traditionally famous rich houses were partitioned and houses were sold, to give every member one’s share. This system was a big transition from the joint family era of agrarian culture to industrial culture. This was more geared to the impacts of the Western cultur

e.  Colonialism, has also resulted in the deterioration of the Nayar families. Further is the mismanagement of the ancestral property by uncles. They spent their money even selling the family properties on lawsuits for status  competition among Nayar families. They probably indulged in alcohol and women.

The deteriorating changes among the Nayars and the Brahmins had not affected the Christians, the Izhavas, and the lowest working classes. The Christians and the Izhavas send their daughters in marriage to their husbands’ houses, and the parental property was owned by the sons, distributed according to the parents. While among the working classes, the wife also lived with her husband.

 A woman falling in love, at that time, was quite unusual. If any such woman was found, the community in general looked down upon her.  Such was the case of a young woman in the neighborhood who fell in love with a married man.  He divorced his wife and married his lover. She was quite daring. Her behavior was not accepted by many men and women

There were many children in the neighborhood around my age with whom I played. We used to get up before sunrise.  The children of the neighborhood collected dry leaves and twigs, would make a fire, sit around, and warm ourselves. It was a joyous occasion, being huddled together, joking and laughing.  

My school was nearby.  For an auspicious occasion the children acted in a play, the story being taken from the epic poem, Mahabharata.  The play had a famous female character, by name Panchali. She had mystic powers,- her serving pot would never get empty. The more she served food to others, the pot increasingly got filled up. It is called ‘ashayapathra’, meaning the pot that will never become empty.  This has symbolic meaning, emotionally, spiritually,  even in the secular sense. ‘Giving’ is self generating more goodness, it is the character of the best of human nature. 

The temple was nearby.  The Nayars, encouraged by the Brahmins, built temples, big and small everywhere they lived. Brahmin socialization of the Nayars insisted on ritual offerings to deities such as Mother Goddess, Sree Krishna, God Shiva, etc. At the local temple in Thiruambadi  I saw the ritual of men walking on fired wood for a distance of around ten feet, as the ritual offering to God Ayyappa. The ritual is to demonstrate the devotees’ uncorrupt devotion to God Ayyappa. I doubt now, if the God intended such a dangerous ritual.

Pilgrimage to God Ayyappa temple, many miles up in the mountains, is involved by Hindus of all  former castes, and even by some Muslims and Christians. On the way to the distant Ayyappa temple, the pilgrims would stop in different temples and offer prayers. God Ayyappa had no caste, no class; no gender differences, as in the concept of Brahman, the ultimate Godhead.

He was found as a deserted infant in the forest by a king who had no sons of his own. The king brought up the infant as heir to the throne. Meanwhile, the king and the queen had a child together. The queen wanted their own child to become the next king, so she contrived to send God  Ayyappa as a young man to the forest to get the milk of leopards to cure her illness. She thought that he would be killed by the leopards. On the contrary, he came back with many leopards. The king and queen were scared and ran away from the palace. God Ayyappa called them back and told them that he did not want to become the king. He went back to the forest, to Sabarimala. He was worshipped by people at large as a God. Many Muslims also worship him because he defeated a Muslim warrior chief by name Vavar and made him friend and brother.

In my life in Alleppey with my uncle, there was a woman in her forties in the neighborhood.  She was fond of children. She gave me and others many good delicacies to eat.  After around thirty years, I went to see her and knocked on her shut door.

She opened the door, looked at me, and in an instant, she said, “My Balakkuttan !” (my pet name)

She hugged me with graceful joy.  Her hair had become gray.  She had become old.  But her love had been blooming all those years, like an eternal flower.


I will never forget, the beautiful women of Alleppey.

Copyright: Dr. A.K.B. and Donna Pillai. Please feel free to quote up to ten lines with reference to the author and the name of the publication. Please get the written permission of the author to republish the article as a whole.           `

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DR. A.K.B. PILLAI, Ph.D, (COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY, NEW YORK)

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