YOU MAY BE RIGHT------I MAY BE CRAZY (Short story: Sreedevi Krishnan)
Published on 22 August, 2020
Captain. Sankar was watching the glassy sea through the porthole of his posh cabin. The deep blue sea and the millions of pinpoints cast by the blazing sun on it, somehow dispelled all the gloomy thoughts from his mind. He experienced an inexplicable calm after a series of unfortunate incidents on board his ship, in the past two weeks. Looking at the calm sea now, he could not believe that the sea had been extremely rough with a strong wind which strengthened to a gale only a couple of weeks ago. Though Captain Sankar never experienced sea-sickness, he hated the howling wind, the waves against the tossing ship, the creaking furniture, crashing bottles and shattering glasses around. Apart from the most unpleasant weather, the cranes of the ship too failed. Once they were repaired, the cold storage went out of order, resulting in a lot of wastage. The Chief Steward was in tears, when kilos of rotten mutton, vegetables and eggs were thrown into the sea. Once that was over, Chief Officer Suresh’s two year old son developed rashes and high fever. Sailing with her son for the first time, Mrs Suresh was panicky and inconsolable.
Finally, when the child recovered from his illness, the most unfortunate and unexpected thing happened, thirty year old Radio Officer Robins died of a massive heart attack…….
Only a couple of weeks passed and it looked like an eternity. Even on a normal shore life, the death of some one so young and healthy like Robins was a great blow. But, on board the ship a death like that affected everyone and took a very long time to recover from the shock. That was one thing about life on board the ship. They got so attached to each other and a tragedy like that hit everyone so badly.
Captain remembered the radiant face of Robins, so full of life. He was not handsome; he was on the fat side. Despite his blunt nose, small beady eyes, and balding hair, he was charming. His sunny disposition, laughing mouth & readiness to help anyone in trouble endeared him to everyone. Being a voracious reader, he was such a help to captain in selecting good books, who loved to have a good collection for the ship’s library. Robins was also in charge of exchanging videos with the other ships. Since he had a refined taste, the captain could absolutely rely on his Radio Officer for getting the choicest movies for the ship. His impeccable English and his alert nature took a load off the Captain’s mind. In spite of being a tough task master and intolerant to slackness, Captain. Sankar had no complaints against Robins. In fact, he was full of praise for the Officer, who could joke and laugh heartily even in the midst of trouble.
“How could death snatch away such a lively person? He was just 30. If an experienced and detached person like me could be so much affected by Robin’s death, how the Sureshes would feel his absence? Poor Mrs Suresh broke down even when Robins was taken in the ‘Neil Robertson stretcher’ to the hospital in Sydney. Thank God, I’m signing off in a day or two. I would certainly overcome all my traumatic experiences, the moment I reach my home. Six months with my loving family after this long separation would be real fun. No wonder they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ This time, I must buy Sherry the car I promised when she got admission in the Medical College. Tomorrow, I must go ashore and buy a swimming costume for her and some curios for Rohini , its sheer fun to watch her face glowing with pride, whenever I get some artifacts for her interior decoration. Cheenu wanted a pair of jeans, Oh, where did I keep his measurements. , so forgetful after the tragic death of Robins. Again death—oh God, even when I try to think of something pleasant, Robins comes in between. Perhaps a drink may do some good’, sighed Captain Sankar.
Suddenly Captain’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door.” Yes, come in” , said Captain, hardly concealing his irritation But , when the Chief Officer came in, he was surprised. He was under the impression that the Chief Officer had gone ashore, as he had already taken permission to go out with his wife, who badly needed some diversion Further, the moment she came to know about the ship’s programme, she had prepared a long list of things to buy from Hong Kong for their newly constructed house in his native place in Kerala.
“What happened? Why did n’t you go out? Shopping in Hong Kong would have provided a good change for Mrs. Suresh after all these tragic events. Your son Ranjit would’ve enjoyed the park here. There’s a lovely park nearby”
The Chief Officer hesitated for a moment and then said in a hardly audible voice.
“Sir, can you spare some time for me? I’ve to discuss something very personal. If you think I’m disturbing you now, I’ll come later.”
Captain looked at him with scrutinizing eyes. He looked very weak; a week’s stubble certainly did not suit his round face. His bushy eye brows, narrow, close set eyes, stubborn chin and the earlobes which reminded one of ‘ Buddha’ made him look not only funny, but also crafty and cunning. Somehow, Captain was not fond of his Chief Officer. He was arrogant, extremely selfish and lethargic to a great extent. Though Captain never spared him, it was always a strain to be civil to such a ruthless man. He tolerated him mainly because his wife was extremely good natured and son, lovable. Being the only lady on board the ship, she endeared herself to everyone by her pleasant nature and culinary expertise. She enjoyed cooking some choicest dishes on every week end and distributing to all the Officers and the crew. She must have been around thirty-five and was very ordinary-looking. She had unruly curly hair, which fell over her already narrow fore-head, blunt nose and thick lips. Though she looked plain and unattractive, everyone liked her because of her extremely good nature.
“No, no, I’m absolutely free now, c’mon, have a drink with me. I need a drink very badly to get rid off the unpleasant thoughts and it’s a pleasure to have your company now, Suresh”
So saying Captain quickly mixed two scotch -on -rocks and handed over a glass to the Chief Officer. While handing over the glass, Captain noticed that Suresh was not his usual self at all. He looked extremely frail and his hands almost trembled. He sank into the chair opposite to Captain. Captain tried hard to hide his puzzled expression and asked “What’s the matter Suresh? Are n’t you well?”
To Captain’s surprise, the Chief Officer almost gulped down half a glass of whisky, before he talked .As though gaining strength from the drink, he cleared his throat and said, “I’m okay, Sir, I mean, physically, but I’m so miserable and as I told you I’ve come to ask your advice on a purely personal matter. I wouldn’t have ventured to discuss this problem, if I were to face you again. The fact that you’re going away and perhaps I won’t set my eyes on you again, makes it easier for me to confide in you. Sir, it’s about my wife, Nalini”
“Don’t worry Suresh, you can trust me. I would never, ever betray the confidence you’ve in me”
Suresh began to speak in a low voice awkwardly as though he was ashamed and was desperate to get it off his chest. Suresh could not believe it was his own voice, it sounded like a stranger’s voice, Why, even the bitter, agonizing experience was not his own, it happened to someone else. He was reduced to the status of a mere narrator, who could go through the tragic episode which shattered his entire life, matter of factly.
Suresh remembered the monotonous routine of a Chief Officer of a cargo ship. Rising before dawn, putting on the uniform, hurrying through the same breakfast of toast, eggs and fruit juice, carrying out the Captain’s instructions, watching and supervising the loading and unloading of cargo, listening to the endless complaints of the crew and taking them to the captain etc etc . Life on board was mechanical, boring and sometimes even maddening. A chief Officer under a stern, responsible Captain had no time for himself or his family during the hectic day. For that matter, everybody on board was busy except the Radio Officer, who could relatively relax. Naturally, the Chief Officer’s wife Nalini and their three year old Ranjit were always with Robins. Robins was very fond of Ranjit, he was equally fond of the good food Nalini cooked frequently. Suresh remembered that, Robins and Nalini had so many things in common—good food, good movies, music and sight-seeing, Suresh could never sit through a movie, he had no ear for music either. When he had time, he drank rather heavily and went to sleep. In fact, he was grateful to Robins for keeping company with his wife and son, when the ship sailed and for accompanying them on every port for sight-seeing and shopping. Nalini always had a long list of things to buy and enjoyed sight-seeing, clicking the camera on every beautiful spot. Suresh hated sight-seeing and had no patience to accompany Nalini on her endless shopping spree, carrying their son and answering his never-ending queries on all silly topics. So, he was very happy, when Robins gladly took them around, whenever they reached a port. Even when Ranjit fell sick, Robins was a great help. Somehow Robin’s reassuring words always allayed Nalini’s worst fears. Suresh found nothing unusual about Nalini’s friendship or her enthusiasm to make special dishes for Robins, who affectionately called her, “chechi, meaning ‘elder sister’ in Malayalam,. Further, which mother would not like a man like Robins, who always amused, entertained and played with her unusually naughty, hyper active offspring?
Then, one day, soon after lunch, Robins collapsed. It was a panic-stricken Nalini, who rang up the Captain, who immediately called for the ambulance. In no time Robins was carried to the best hospital .In the evening, Nalini too went along with the Captain to visit Robins. The last conscious act of Robins was, to remove his gold chain with a crucifix and diamond ring and hand over to a sobbing Nalini.
That night, the Captain was shocked to receive the tragic news of Robins’ death. It was impossible to believe that Robins, who was full of life was no more. Immediately after the Captain broke the news to Suresh, he rushed to his cabin. Ranjit was fast asleep and Nalini was on the rocking chair, lost in thought.
Suresh approached Nalini gently and said, “Nalini, I’m afraid, I’ve very bad news for you. Hmmmm we just got the news that Robins passed away ten minutes back, How terrible! I’m sure everyone on board the ship would be affected by his death. In any case we’ve to hide this from Ranjit because”……….. Before he could complete his sentence, Nalini gave a piercing cry and fell head long to the floor. She had fainted .Suresh lifted her up and laid her on the bed. He forced a little brandy between her parted lips. She slowly opened her eyes and cried “No, no, it’s not true”.
“Yes Nalini, it’s true”.
Nalini burst into tears. She wept convulsively. Suresh tried to touch her but she immediately withdrew her hands as though repelled and cried,”Please leave me alone, please leave me alone.” It was really pathetic to see her body shaken by uncontrollable sobs. She was not herself. Suresh tried to hold her shoulders but he shook herself free” For Heavens’ sake, go away’ she cried”Oh, Danny, Danny, how could it happen? I just can’t bear it, I just can’t, my God, my God ….”
Suresh was puzzled. He never heard her calling the dead Robins ‘Danny’. True, ‘Daniel Robins’ was his name but everyone on board called him ‘Robins’. Suresh began to grow impatient. He could not believe that Nalini was capable of being so emotional. Nalini groaned as though in pain and tears streamed down from her staring eyes.
“C’mon Nalini, you would wake up Ranjit now. Remember, we should n’t tell him about this. Try to pull yourself together. Here, have some more bandy, you would feel better, much better”. Suddenly, Nalini sprang to her feet and pushed Suresh aside with all her strength. The glass of brandy fell from his hand, smashing the glass to smithereens. Suresh looked at his wife, puzzled. He could see that unmistakable hatred in her eyes.
“I wish I were dead too, please go away, Leave me alone, I beg you”
Suresh looked at Nalini’s pathetic face, her staring eyes and her short neck adorned with Robins’ chain and crucifix. All at once Suresh saw in her eyes something which shocked him. A shudder passed through his spine and hanging his head, he walked out of the cabin. He went to the saloon and drank to his heart’s content. Then, he staggered to his cabin.
Nalini lay in the same position as he left her. Suresh sat on the chair, facing her.
“What was Robins to you, tell me,bitch” , he thundered.
Nalini wiped her tears with her palm and said, “It was a terrible shock, I was n’t myself”. Her lips trembled.
“True, but how can you break down like this over Robins’, just a friend’s death? Hearing a friend’s death, how can a strong woman like you faint straightaway or cry like this? And I never heard you calling him “Danny” before”
“How can you be so heartless? I was very fond of him, his death was so sudden, so unexpected that I could not bear it.”
“Oh, c’mon Nalini, even your own brother’s death was so sudden and so unexpected, but you did n’t go pieces over it, you did n’ display this much emotion. Then, you came to me for comfort, cried on my shoulder. Now, what happened? I want truth, nothing but truth. Don’t take me for a fool.”
Nalini looked at her drunken husband. She was too absorbed in her own grief to be concerned about him. She simply loathed his presence. Controlling her tears she said, “Look, I’m very tired now, you’re not very sober either. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
That was the last straw. Suresh held her wrist twisted it and screamed, “Speak now, bitch. I’ll kill you, if you don’t speak now, right now. Answer me, Was n’t Robins your lover?”
Nalini hesitated a moment and then said in a very calm and clear voice, “Yes”
“Bitch”, shouted Suresh. Holding Nalini’s shoulder with his left hand, he slapped her cheeks with his strong right palm again and again till she sank to the floor.
Captain saw two tears welled up in his Chief officer Suresh’s eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks. He could not help pitying the man in front of him. He quickly poured another stiff drink, which Suresh finished in a gulp. Replenishing his drink, Captain asked gently, “What‘re you planning to do Suresh?”
“I want your advice Sir; I don’t know what would happen to my son, if I divorce Nalini .Nalini too has no parents or anyone else to fall back upon. She’s not even qualified to get a job and support herself.”
“Divorce? Who asked you to divorce your wife? How could you even entertain such thoughts after living with her for more than a decade? She’s your wife and mother of your smart, lovable son Ranjit.”
“What do you mean Sir? She cheated on me. She‘s not even grateful .I’ve given her everything she wanted. You don’t know her poverty-stricken existence before I married her. She fooled me all along. I transformed the shy, coy girl from a remote village in Kerala to a sophisticated, refined lady. What would happen to my honor, if I continue to live with a woman like that?”
Captain laughed, one of his rare, light-hearted laugh and said, “C’mon Suresh, don’t try to cut off your nose to spite your face. You said, she’s so ungrateful. But, tell me, why did you take so many pains to reform that village girl? Well, it’s to boost your own ego Suresh .Moreover you say ,you gave her everything she wanted, everything which your money could buy. But, are you sure that you gave her everything she needed, secretly caved for? I’ve lived in this planet for many more years than you ‘ve done and I tell you, there’s a lot of difference between a woman’s “needs” and “wants” Women need love and tender care. You can’t take them for granted”.
Suresh could not believe his ears. He frowned. What about his self –respect, sense of decency? He never expected the Captain to be so logical, so unsympathetic, so unfeeling
“You’ve no idea, Sir, how this hurts me. How can you be so..so…unsympathetic? How can I continue to be the husband of a woman, who loved another man? I feel terrible.”
“Suresh, I understand your feelings. But I feel strongly that, the only way you could hurt your wife back is, by forgiving her, yes by forgiving her .Your generosity alone will bring out that sense of remorse in her .And believe me, she would love you with all her heart and serve you throughout her life with such fierce loyalty that no husband could ever dream of . Besides, Robins is dead and you can’t possibly be jealous of a dead man. No one knows about this love affair except your wife, you and now, me. I’ll be signing off tomorrow. So, let bygones be bygones. I know Nalini; she’s a warm, kind-hearted and lovable person. Listen to me Suresh, my voice of experience. What’s love after all? I loved and married, after thirty years of married life, I can tell you that love’s only a physical attraction, the border line between love and infatuation is very thin. The so- called love is often generated by propinquity, like in your wife’s case. I know it’s hard, but try and forgive your wife. Remember, she needs you more than ever in her life to get over Robins’ sudden death and her passing fancy towards him. If you forgive her now, trust me Suresh, she would love you, respect you, till her dying day.
Suresh was almost convinced by the Captain’s arguments. Perhaps, it was his fault too that he took Nalini so much for granted. Captain was right; he was not sure whether he gave her everything she needed.
“I was not a loving, caring husband to Nalini, Brought up in an extremely traditional ‘Nair tharavadu,’ I made the mistake of thinking that women are inferior to me and therefore need not be respected. . I always bossed over her, How many times I had hurt her feelings deeply, comparing her to pretty, accomplished wives of my friends. Did I ever appreciate her efforts in frequenting beauty parlors, wearing mod attires and trying to sport a sophisticated look of the women I compared her with? I never left a single chance of bringing up her middle-class background, calling it “poverty-stricken existence’ .I never, not even once, complimented her on her culinary expertise or talent in music and dance. Is n’ it natural for her to fall for Robins, who, not only admired her for all her achievements but also loved and cared for her son . As captain said, women need tender loving care. Further forgiving Nalini is the most practical solution to the problem. My forgiveness would certainly torture her conscience and she would do everything possible to make amends. Now that I realize my mistake, I’ll treat her with love and affection. Actually I can use this unfortunate episode to strengthen our bond instead of destroying our marriage.”
Suresh smiled for the fist time after a miserable, torturing week.
“Thank you Sir, thank you very much for your advice.Oh, a heavy load off my mind now and I feel extremely relieved after listening to you, oh yes, your voice of experience . Sir, I’ll be grateful to you for ever and ever. God bless you, Sir, have a great time with your family.” Suresh got up, shook hands with the captain and hurriedly descended the staircase towards his cabin with determined steps. On the way ,he could not help smiling, when he heard the voice of Billy Joel from the saloon,
“You may be right, I may be crazy…”
Finally, when the child recovered from his illness, the most unfortunate and unexpected thing happened, thirty year old Radio Officer Robins died of a massive heart attack…….
Only a couple of weeks passed and it looked like an eternity. Even on a normal shore life, the death of some one so young and healthy like Robins was a great blow. But, on board the ship a death like that affected everyone and took a very long time to recover from the shock. That was one thing about life on board the ship. They got so attached to each other and a tragedy like that hit everyone so badly.
Captain remembered the radiant face of Robins, so full of life. He was not handsome; he was on the fat side. Despite his blunt nose, small beady eyes, and balding hair, he was charming. His sunny disposition, laughing mouth & readiness to help anyone in trouble endeared him to everyone. Being a voracious reader, he was such a help to captain in selecting good books, who loved to have a good collection for the ship’s library. Robins was also in charge of exchanging videos with the other ships. Since he had a refined taste, the captain could absolutely rely on his Radio Officer for getting the choicest movies for the ship. His impeccable English and his alert nature took a load off the Captain’s mind. In spite of being a tough task master and intolerant to slackness, Captain. Sankar had no complaints against Robins. In fact, he was full of praise for the Officer, who could joke and laugh heartily even in the midst of trouble.
“How could death snatch away such a lively person? He was just 30. If an experienced and detached person like me could be so much affected by Robin’s death, how the Sureshes would feel his absence? Poor Mrs Suresh broke down even when Robins was taken in the ‘Neil Robertson stretcher’ to the hospital in Sydney. Thank God, I’m signing off in a day or two. I would certainly overcome all my traumatic experiences, the moment I reach my home. Six months with my loving family after this long separation would be real fun. No wonder they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ This time, I must buy Sherry the car I promised when she got admission in the Medical College. Tomorrow, I must go ashore and buy a swimming costume for her and some curios for Rohini , its sheer fun to watch her face glowing with pride, whenever I get some artifacts for her interior decoration. Cheenu wanted a pair of jeans, Oh, where did I keep his measurements. , so forgetful after the tragic death of Robins. Again death—oh God, even when I try to think of something pleasant, Robins comes in between. Perhaps a drink may do some good’, sighed Captain Sankar.
Suddenly Captain’s thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock on the door.” Yes, come in” , said Captain, hardly concealing his irritation But , when the Chief Officer came in, he was surprised. He was under the impression that the Chief Officer had gone ashore, as he had already taken permission to go out with his wife, who badly needed some diversion Further, the moment she came to know about the ship’s programme, she had prepared a long list of things to buy from Hong Kong for their newly constructed house in his native place in Kerala.
“What happened? Why did n’t you go out? Shopping in Hong Kong would have provided a good change for Mrs. Suresh after all these tragic events. Your son Ranjit would’ve enjoyed the park here. There’s a lovely park nearby”
The Chief Officer hesitated for a moment and then said in a hardly audible voice.
“Sir, can you spare some time for me? I’ve to discuss something very personal. If you think I’m disturbing you now, I’ll come later.”
Captain looked at him with scrutinizing eyes. He looked very weak; a week’s stubble certainly did not suit his round face. His bushy eye brows, narrow, close set eyes, stubborn chin and the earlobes which reminded one of ‘ Buddha’ made him look not only funny, but also crafty and cunning. Somehow, Captain was not fond of his Chief Officer. He was arrogant, extremely selfish and lethargic to a great extent. Though Captain never spared him, it was always a strain to be civil to such a ruthless man. He tolerated him mainly because his wife was extremely good natured and son, lovable. Being the only lady on board the ship, she endeared herself to everyone by her pleasant nature and culinary expertise. She enjoyed cooking some choicest dishes on every week end and distributing to all the Officers and the crew. She must have been around thirty-five and was very ordinary-looking. She had unruly curly hair, which fell over her already narrow fore-head, blunt nose and thick lips. Though she looked plain and unattractive, everyone liked her because of her extremely good nature.
“No, no, I’m absolutely free now, c’mon, have a drink with me. I need a drink very badly to get rid off the unpleasant thoughts and it’s a pleasure to have your company now, Suresh”
So saying Captain quickly mixed two scotch -on -rocks and handed over a glass to the Chief Officer. While handing over the glass, Captain noticed that Suresh was not his usual self at all. He looked extremely frail and his hands almost trembled. He sank into the chair opposite to Captain. Captain tried hard to hide his puzzled expression and asked “What’s the matter Suresh? Are n’t you well?”
To Captain’s surprise, the Chief Officer almost gulped down half a glass of whisky, before he talked .As though gaining strength from the drink, he cleared his throat and said, “I’m okay, Sir, I mean, physically, but I’m so miserable and as I told you I’ve come to ask your advice on a purely personal matter. I wouldn’t have ventured to discuss this problem, if I were to face you again. The fact that you’re going away and perhaps I won’t set my eyes on you again, makes it easier for me to confide in you. Sir, it’s about my wife, Nalini”
“Don’t worry Suresh, you can trust me. I would never, ever betray the confidence you’ve in me”
Suresh began to speak in a low voice awkwardly as though he was ashamed and was desperate to get it off his chest. Suresh could not believe it was his own voice, it sounded like a stranger’s voice, Why, even the bitter, agonizing experience was not his own, it happened to someone else. He was reduced to the status of a mere narrator, who could go through the tragic episode which shattered his entire life, matter of factly.
Suresh remembered the monotonous routine of a Chief Officer of a cargo ship. Rising before dawn, putting on the uniform, hurrying through the same breakfast of toast, eggs and fruit juice, carrying out the Captain’s instructions, watching and supervising the loading and unloading of cargo, listening to the endless complaints of the crew and taking them to the captain etc etc . Life on board was mechanical, boring and sometimes even maddening. A chief Officer under a stern, responsible Captain had no time for himself or his family during the hectic day. For that matter, everybody on board was busy except the Radio Officer, who could relatively relax. Naturally, the Chief Officer’s wife Nalini and their three year old Ranjit were always with Robins. Robins was very fond of Ranjit, he was equally fond of the good food Nalini cooked frequently. Suresh remembered that, Robins and Nalini had so many things in common—good food, good movies, music and sight-seeing, Suresh could never sit through a movie, he had no ear for music either. When he had time, he drank rather heavily and went to sleep. In fact, he was grateful to Robins for keeping company with his wife and son, when the ship sailed and for accompanying them on every port for sight-seeing and shopping. Nalini always had a long list of things to buy and enjoyed sight-seeing, clicking the camera on every beautiful spot. Suresh hated sight-seeing and had no patience to accompany Nalini on her endless shopping spree, carrying their son and answering his never-ending queries on all silly topics. So, he was very happy, when Robins gladly took them around, whenever they reached a port. Even when Ranjit fell sick, Robins was a great help. Somehow Robin’s reassuring words always allayed Nalini’s worst fears. Suresh found nothing unusual about Nalini’s friendship or her enthusiasm to make special dishes for Robins, who affectionately called her, “chechi, meaning ‘elder sister’ in Malayalam,. Further, which mother would not like a man like Robins, who always amused, entertained and played with her unusually naughty, hyper active offspring?
Then, one day, soon after lunch, Robins collapsed. It was a panic-stricken Nalini, who rang up the Captain, who immediately called for the ambulance. In no time Robins was carried to the best hospital .In the evening, Nalini too went along with the Captain to visit Robins. The last conscious act of Robins was, to remove his gold chain with a crucifix and diamond ring and hand over to a sobbing Nalini.
That night, the Captain was shocked to receive the tragic news of Robins’ death. It was impossible to believe that Robins, who was full of life was no more. Immediately after the Captain broke the news to Suresh, he rushed to his cabin. Ranjit was fast asleep and Nalini was on the rocking chair, lost in thought.
Suresh approached Nalini gently and said, “Nalini, I’m afraid, I’ve very bad news for you. Hmmmm we just got the news that Robins passed away ten minutes back, How terrible! I’m sure everyone on board the ship would be affected by his death. In any case we’ve to hide this from Ranjit because”……….. Before he could complete his sentence, Nalini gave a piercing cry and fell head long to the floor. She had fainted .Suresh lifted her up and laid her on the bed. He forced a little brandy between her parted lips. She slowly opened her eyes and cried “No, no, it’s not true”.
“Yes Nalini, it’s true”.
Nalini burst into tears. She wept convulsively. Suresh tried to touch her but she immediately withdrew her hands as though repelled and cried,”Please leave me alone, please leave me alone.” It was really pathetic to see her body shaken by uncontrollable sobs. She was not herself. Suresh tried to hold her shoulders but he shook herself free” For Heavens’ sake, go away’ she cried”Oh, Danny, Danny, how could it happen? I just can’t bear it, I just can’t, my God, my God ….”
Suresh was puzzled. He never heard her calling the dead Robins ‘Danny’. True, ‘Daniel Robins’ was his name but everyone on board called him ‘Robins’. Suresh began to grow impatient. He could not believe that Nalini was capable of being so emotional. Nalini groaned as though in pain and tears streamed down from her staring eyes.
“C’mon Nalini, you would wake up Ranjit now. Remember, we should n’t tell him about this. Try to pull yourself together. Here, have some more bandy, you would feel better, much better”. Suddenly, Nalini sprang to her feet and pushed Suresh aside with all her strength. The glass of brandy fell from his hand, smashing the glass to smithereens. Suresh looked at his wife, puzzled. He could see that unmistakable hatred in her eyes.
“I wish I were dead too, please go away, Leave me alone, I beg you”
Suresh looked at Nalini’s pathetic face, her staring eyes and her short neck adorned with Robins’ chain and crucifix. All at once Suresh saw in her eyes something which shocked him. A shudder passed through his spine and hanging his head, he walked out of the cabin. He went to the saloon and drank to his heart’s content. Then, he staggered to his cabin.
Nalini lay in the same position as he left her. Suresh sat on the chair, facing her.
“What was Robins to you, tell me,bitch” , he thundered.
Nalini wiped her tears with her palm and said, “It was a terrible shock, I was n’t myself”. Her lips trembled.
“True, but how can you break down like this over Robins’, just a friend’s death? Hearing a friend’s death, how can a strong woman like you faint straightaway or cry like this? And I never heard you calling him “Danny” before”
“How can you be so heartless? I was very fond of him, his death was so sudden, so unexpected that I could not bear it.”
“Oh, c’mon Nalini, even your own brother’s death was so sudden and so unexpected, but you did n’t go pieces over it, you did n’ display this much emotion. Then, you came to me for comfort, cried on my shoulder. Now, what happened? I want truth, nothing but truth. Don’t take me for a fool.”
Nalini looked at her drunken husband. She was too absorbed in her own grief to be concerned about him. She simply loathed his presence. Controlling her tears she said, “Look, I’m very tired now, you’re not very sober either. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
That was the last straw. Suresh held her wrist twisted it and screamed, “Speak now, bitch. I’ll kill you, if you don’t speak now, right now. Answer me, Was n’t Robins your lover?”
Nalini hesitated a moment and then said in a very calm and clear voice, “Yes”
“Bitch”, shouted Suresh. Holding Nalini’s shoulder with his left hand, he slapped her cheeks with his strong right palm again and again till she sank to the floor.
Captain saw two tears welled up in his Chief officer Suresh’s eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks. He could not help pitying the man in front of him. He quickly poured another stiff drink, which Suresh finished in a gulp. Replenishing his drink, Captain asked gently, “What‘re you planning to do Suresh?”
“I want your advice Sir; I don’t know what would happen to my son, if I divorce Nalini .Nalini too has no parents or anyone else to fall back upon. She’s not even qualified to get a job and support herself.”
“Divorce? Who asked you to divorce your wife? How could you even entertain such thoughts after living with her for more than a decade? She’s your wife and mother of your smart, lovable son Ranjit.”
“What do you mean Sir? She cheated on me. She‘s not even grateful .I’ve given her everything she wanted. You don’t know her poverty-stricken existence before I married her. She fooled me all along. I transformed the shy, coy girl from a remote village in Kerala to a sophisticated, refined lady. What would happen to my honor, if I continue to live with a woman like that?”
Captain laughed, one of his rare, light-hearted laugh and said, “C’mon Suresh, don’t try to cut off your nose to spite your face. You said, she’s so ungrateful. But, tell me, why did you take so many pains to reform that village girl? Well, it’s to boost your own ego Suresh .Moreover you say ,you gave her everything she wanted, everything which your money could buy. But, are you sure that you gave her everything she needed, secretly caved for? I’ve lived in this planet for many more years than you ‘ve done and I tell you, there’s a lot of difference between a woman’s “needs” and “wants” Women need love and tender care. You can’t take them for granted”.
Suresh could not believe his ears. He frowned. What about his self –respect, sense of decency? He never expected the Captain to be so logical, so unsympathetic, so unfeeling
“You’ve no idea, Sir, how this hurts me. How can you be so..so…unsympathetic? How can I continue to be the husband of a woman, who loved another man? I feel terrible.”
“Suresh, I understand your feelings. But I feel strongly that, the only way you could hurt your wife back is, by forgiving her, yes by forgiving her .Your generosity alone will bring out that sense of remorse in her .And believe me, she would love you with all her heart and serve you throughout her life with such fierce loyalty that no husband could ever dream of . Besides, Robins is dead and you can’t possibly be jealous of a dead man. No one knows about this love affair except your wife, you and now, me. I’ll be signing off tomorrow. So, let bygones be bygones. I know Nalini; she’s a warm, kind-hearted and lovable person. Listen to me Suresh, my voice of experience. What’s love after all? I loved and married, after thirty years of married life, I can tell you that love’s only a physical attraction, the border line between love and infatuation is very thin. The so- called love is often generated by propinquity, like in your wife’s case. I know it’s hard, but try and forgive your wife. Remember, she needs you more than ever in her life to get over Robins’ sudden death and her passing fancy towards him. If you forgive her now, trust me Suresh, she would love you, respect you, till her dying day.
Suresh was almost convinced by the Captain’s arguments. Perhaps, it was his fault too that he took Nalini so much for granted. Captain was right; he was not sure whether he gave her everything she needed.
“I was not a loving, caring husband to Nalini, Brought up in an extremely traditional ‘Nair tharavadu,’ I made the mistake of thinking that women are inferior to me and therefore need not be respected. . I always bossed over her, How many times I had hurt her feelings deeply, comparing her to pretty, accomplished wives of my friends. Did I ever appreciate her efforts in frequenting beauty parlors, wearing mod attires and trying to sport a sophisticated look of the women I compared her with? I never left a single chance of bringing up her middle-class background, calling it “poverty-stricken existence’ .I never, not even once, complimented her on her culinary expertise or talent in music and dance. Is n’ it natural for her to fall for Robins, who, not only admired her for all her achievements but also loved and cared for her son . As captain said, women need tender loving care. Further forgiving Nalini is the most practical solution to the problem. My forgiveness would certainly torture her conscience and she would do everything possible to make amends. Now that I realize my mistake, I’ll treat her with love and affection. Actually I can use this unfortunate episode to strengthen our bond instead of destroying our marriage.”
Suresh smiled for the fist time after a miserable, torturing week.
“Thank you Sir, thank you very much for your advice.Oh, a heavy load off my mind now and I feel extremely relieved after listening to you, oh yes, your voice of experience . Sir, I’ll be grateful to you for ever and ever. God bless you, Sir, have a great time with your family.” Suresh got up, shook hands with the captain and hurriedly descended the staircase towards his cabin with determined steps. On the way ,he could not help smiling, when he heard the voice of Billy Joel from the saloon,
“You may be right, I may be crazy…”
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SudhirPanikkaveetil 2020-08-22 19:49:27
Causes of infidelity in marriage are many. Mostly women will blame their husbands for lack of love on their part which unfortunately lead them to illicit relationships. The story ended happily with the skill and craft of the author. A lesson for married men and women but it is unlikely that all husbands will yield to the advice that Capt. Shankar had given. Good narration.
Sringaranicklas 2020-08-26 15:50:26
What is love ? Good question. It has many facets and dimensions.
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and Nalini and Robbins grew to love one another as they met each's needs: To be heard and to share the beautiful things of life which they both enjoyed. Suresh operated only on the surface in a very shallow way but Robbins touched the very core of Nalini's heart that she threw caution to the winds with gay abandon. Her tank of love was brimming over with cascades of unbridled joy, Hitherto she only known ridicule, put me downs and humiliation. Is it a wonder then, that she blossomed like a rose touched by a ray of sun embodied in Robbin's delightful praise and company?
I'm glad that Sridevi gave this story the delightful twist of a forgiving husband who realizes his mistake and makes amends. This is highly unusual and rare especially in the Indian context. Alls well that ends well, and as they say "they lived happily ever after".
Jyothylakshmy Nambiar 2020-08-29 03:53:48
Marriages are always challenged by affairs and eventually marriages survive affairs because once the infatuation is satisfied there is no further room for their interests. In this story the lover dies and the news greatly upset the lady who is already a wife and mother. She lie on the bed and sobbed unable to control her pain and feelings. Knowing this the Captian wisely advise the lady the importance of life and the need to keep her family from breaking just for an affair unfortunately happened and ended with the death of her lover. In fact the advise of Captian worked because she also realized her role as a wife and mother and any foolish act on her part will badly damage the reputation of her husband and child and the entire family. Repenting and rectifying our mistakes are good but more important is not to get involved such affairs as they are like magic nets and once caught in very hard to escape. So this story simply pointing out that married woman should be cautious and they should heed to the advice of elders and make their life happy instead of miserable. Sreedevi madam always deals with subjects that capture the attention of readers making them to be smart and wise.
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